Family Reflections

Recently I found myself sharing with another person the fact that my mom still has not met our newest daughter.  Evie is 18 mos old.  My mom lives an airplane ride away.  We offered to fly her round trip, first class.  We even offered to pay for her hotel room if she felt too cramped or uncomfortable in our home.  She refused to visit.  Yes, I am her daughter, and this is her grandchild.  And she recently travelled by plane to visit one of my siblings, so she is able to travel.

So there it is, this hurt and embarrassment, put out there.  Hurt, yes.  Embarrassment, why?  And therein lies the topic of my post.  At the moment of sharing this story, I felt embarrassment.  I have always been one who reflects inward first...is the flaw me?...before asking if it is the other person.  Is the unspoken message that my own mother doesn't love me or my children enough to visit?  What a poor reflection on the family I come from.  And therein lies the embarrassment, because that's NOT how I was raised, that's not what I am.  I come from better than that.  But in that moment when my story was met with silence, I felt like the integrity of my upbringing was found to be lacking.  

On the heels of this feeling, was a different thought...that my mom has a problem, but her problems are not a reflection on me.  Somewhere through the years she changed from the mom I grew up believing I knew, and became this.  But this is not what I come from.  It is only what she became.  So as I sit here reflecting on the fact that my mom still hasn't met our 18 month old daughter, I realize that it is her loss, and that it speaks volumes about her, but that her choices now are not who I am, or even an accurate picture of the mom I was raised with.  No, the embarrassment is not mine.  I love my mom and can accept who she is, but her choices are not mine.  

Sibling Love

I caught Connor taking a moment to cuddle with one of his favorite peeps, Gabby.  Then Cameron wanted to join in too.  I love these children!!!!

Christmas 2012

Here we are, Christmas morning 2012.  The boys were awake and downstairs, getting into their stockings at 2:30am!  Dan heard them and scooted them back to bed.  At 3am, Hannah & Lily were doing the same!  Again, Dan heard them and scooted them back to bed too.  All our children are early birds, but this was a wee bit too early!  It was a whirlwind morning with such a flurry of wrapping paper that I wondered if I'd ever remember what my living room floor looked like!  The children had a wonderful Christmas!

Gabby wanted a stuffed caterpillar so badly for Christmas!  Just like the one she plays with at my OB's office.

Lily was excited to receive Josephine, an American Girl, from Santa.  She has long, dark hair in a braid, just like Lily.

Santa gave Hannah a bunk bed for her American Girl dolls.  It matches her bed in her room.

Evie loves the play food she got for Christmas!  Here, she is playing with her set of cookies.

Connor is such an avid reader!  Santa brought him a Kindle for Christmas.  He looks pretty happy about it!

Cameron's #1 gift request this Christmas was a real army jacket.  Mommy & Daddy found an actual jacket worn by a soldier at the Army Surplus Shop.  The store even had a machine that makes dog tags right on sight, AND I found another place that would make a fabric strip with LAMONTAGNE on it, and I sewed it on the jacket.  Totally official!  

The only other gift Gabby asked Santa for was a pink dog pillow pet.  It's all about pink for Miss Gabby!

Evie playing with her play food.  Look at those lovely curls!

Cameron exploring the art set he got for Christmas.  He's turning into quite the artist.

Hannah reading her American Girl book.

All my peeps posing after opening presents in their PJs, saying a warm Christmas thank you and hello   :)

Blonde, Barefoot, & Pregnant!

Dan's sense of humor here...he caught me blonde, barefoot, and pregnant....and in the kitchen!  Not sure why, but he gets a kick out of this every pregnancy   ;)  (6 1/2 mos pregnant)....

Spice Rack

For Christmas in 2012, the children and I gave Dan an air compressor and nail gun set.  He has had to borrow a coworker's several times to do household projects, so I figured it was time to buy him his own.  His first project was to add a spice rack to our pantry.  All my spices had been occupying 2 shelves in my cupboard.  It was a jumbled mess, as things tumbled over each other every time I tried to take out just 1 thing.  It was frustrating.  It was a mess.  We couldn't tell what spices we had and what we were out of.  A spice rack was much needed!

Our jumbled spice mess in our cupboard, before the new spice rack.

Top of the solid oak spice rack.

New, empty spice rack on the pantry wall.

Spice rack is in place and filling up.

Close-up of spice rack.  Notice that the shelves are labeled.  Yes, I'm anal (I mean, organized!)

Taken from the floor of the pantry...a full length view.

Dan used solid oak to build the spice rack, and oak crown moulding isn't available locally, so Dan will have to order it to dress up the top.  But it's looking great and I have room to spare!  Now all my spices are sorted by baking spices, cooking spices, food colorings, extracts, rubs, etc.  And what will I do with my empty 2 shelves in my cupboard?  Well, I finally have more room for my overflow of cake pans, muffin pans, etc!  Thank goodness, because that was the next kitchen dilemma!  :)   So glad Dan is handy with home improvement projects!  And he LOVES his new Christmas gifts.  He's actually looking for more projects to use his nail gun on.  No complaints here!  And I offer a thanks to Art, Dan's dad, who got Dan interested in home improvement projects as a child.  I am grateful  :)

The pain to abstain

While browsing a baby community board, I noticed a woman's post, wondering why so many other woman on the board were unwilling to make healthy sacrifices for their unborn children.  True, many others on the board admit to continuing to smoke and drink alcohol.  The woman who posted about this wondered very politely why moms weren't abstaining for the sake of their precious babies, for even the finite period of 9 months.  Let's just say she took A LOT of heat for her post.  Other moms wrote in very defensively and rudely and verbally lashed her up one side and down the other.  I don't reply to posts very often, but felt moved to do so on this one.  I told the original poster that I agreed with her.  One of the others defended her position by stating that she usually smokes 2 packs a day and was down to 5 cigarettes.  It seems she was rather proud of herself.  Another said she 'only' drinks 1 glass of wine per week and that is done in other countries all the time, without ill effects.  Really?!  I mean, really?  

Oh my, how easy it is for some people to rationalize their wants.  In church we have been talking about "the pain to abstain".  Yes, sometimes it is painful to abstain from our wants.  But when there is good reason & good cause, it is important and very worth it.  These women believe that their cigarettes and alcohol are worth taking a risk with their unborn babies' life.  And they aren't even willing to suspend their wants for just 9 months.  We live in a world now that celebrates the "all about me" lifestyle, where our wants are expected to be paramount to that of others.  

The thought makes me sick.  I choose differently.  Yes, I enjoy a glass of wine.  But my baby is far more important to me than wine. You see here in this post a photo of my hands.  My severe eczema typically only affects my feet.  This pregnancy, it has chosen my hands as well.  Holding a pen to write has caused my knuckles and fingers to crack open and bleed.  You will notice I have no rings on.  My fingers began to swell from the inflammation so badly that my last ditch effort to remove the rings was to ask Dan to cut them off.  To keep the wounds from becoming infected, I pour hydrogen peroxide on them daily after I shower. And yes, it stings, but it is effective.  Now, the pain to abstain...in my bathroom drawer lies a prescription ointment that will clear my eczema up in three days.  I have been told to use it if the benefits outweigh the risks to my unborn baby.  To which I respond:  what benefit could there possibly be that would be greater than my child?  None exists.  

The other photo you see is of a purple foot.  Mine.  It is purple from vericose veins, which I am afflicted by primarily during pregnancy...each pregnancy.  I know with each desire to conceive that if God blesses me with a healthy pregnancy, my right foot, leg, and all the way up will turn purple and ache.  In this photo, I am 24 weeks pregnant. The color and ache will increase as I get further along.  Is my comfort worth more than the child God blesses us with?  No, absolutely not.  And what about the women who choose not to abstain from their alcohol and cigarettes for the sake of their unborn babies?  I look at them & find another thing to abstain from...these community boards where selfish women demean those with a healthy perspective.  Au revoir, community boards.  I'm happy I don't belong.  And it turns out the "pain to abstain" often isn't that painful at all.  It's all just perspective.

My Day Played Out Like a Bad Country Song!

December 11, 2012

My day began normally.  I planned to run a couple errands to do some Christmas shopping with Gabby and Evie.  We were on schedule.  At 9am, I went outside to pre-warm the car, taking Paisley, our 2 yr old black lab, with me to go potty.  It was then that my day began to resemble a really bad country song.  Without graphic details, let's just say I discovered Paisley has tapeworms.  I hurried back into the house to get a disposable container I would never care to see again, and used a shovel to collect a fecal sample.  Leaving the sample outside, I again returned indoors to call my husband, and then the vet.  The vet confirmed that what I saw was indeed tapeworms.  All of this was shocking to me.  We keep Paisley on flea meds, heart worm meds and in our own yard. I had never experienced this before in all my years of pet ownership.    

An entire hour later, I had spoken with my husband & our vet, and reset a new course for us that included an out-of-the-way trip to the vet for medicine.  No fecal sample was required, so I had subjected myself to that experience needlessly.  Finally we were on the road.  We picked up the medicine at the vet and drove to our Christmas shopping destination.

As we got in the car to go home, my cell phone rang.  It was the children's school.  Lily needed a change of clothes brought over as soon as possible.  I said I was on my way.  I looked at the clock and stressed.  There was just enough time to drive home and make lunch for the babies so I could get them down for nap on time.  Stopping by home, driving to school, & driving back home would put a serious crimp in my schedule.  Still, Lily needed those clothes, so we went.  

When we finally made it home to stay, I looked at the clock and still tried to salvage our schedule, needing the babies to nap.  So I rushed through preparing lunch, serving & eating lunch, through clean up, & diaper changes.  As a pregnant mommy, I was delighted to see that we were only off our nap schedule by 20 mins!  That meant I could take a short nap during part of their nap....and boy did I feel like I could use one!  I had to skip story time, but got Gabby & Evie tucked in their beds and then crept off to mine.  A short while later, before my alarm could even ring, I was roused by the sound of Gabby talking, yelling, singing, and simply being quite loud.  One of the things she was calling out was "Evie!"  over and over.  She wasn't sleepy and wanted company in her wakefulness.  I resigned myself to getting up, feeling tired and cranky.  Once downstairs, Evie managed to get into everything she shouldn't, pulling DVDs off the shelves and irritating Gabby by grabbing for whatever she had.  I managed to get 1 load of laundry folded, medicate Paisley and unload the dishwasher before the bus arrived.  Not too shabby.  Today the older girls had dance right after arriving home.  The children had time for a quick snack and then it was time to load up and head out.  I grabbed my purse from its usual spot on the kitchen desk, picked up Evie, and loaded us all into our van, locking the door behind me.  After buckling Gabby & Evie's seat belts, I reached in my purse for my keys....which were not there.  I checked to see if they had fallen to the floor.  Nope.  I checked to see if Gabby or Evie had grabbed them or were sitting on them.  Nope.  I knew we were late now.  I hurried to the back door, hoping perhaps I'd left it unlocked.  Maybe my keys had dropped to the floor in the house.  No, the house was locked like Fort Knox.  And there, through the window, I could see my keys...sitting where I had not set them, just staring at me.  I went looking for the spare key where my husband said he placed it, and did not find it.  I cut my losses.  I couldn't get into the house, but I knew there was a spare car key hidden under the van.  So, 5 month pregnant belly and all, I laid on the ground and slid under the van to reach the key.  Success!  We were late, and I couldn't get into our house, but I could get my older girls to dance.  As we neared the dance studio, I started laughing out loud.  I was thinking of my absurd day...tapeworms, derailed shopping plans, change of clothes at school, out of whack schedule, no naps, and locking myself out of our house.  It reminded me of the stuff a really bad country song is made of!

Despite the absurdities of the day, I reminded my children (who had asked why I was laughing) that we all have tough days sometimes. But even on our tough days, God gives us many blessings.  Our car worked, we were all safe, the medicine Paisley needed was available & we could buy it, I brought my daughter her change of clothes before too much time had passed, got my girls to dance, and my husband was home when we pulled in the driveway after dropping them off.  It could have been very different.  I thank God we are all safe and that Dan was working locally today.  Today left me 2 choices...laugh or cry.  I chose to laugh because I chose to remind myself of my blessings.

Sidebar:  The vet said Paisley contracted tapeworms by ingesting an infected flea.  Thankfully the medicine will heal her in one dose, and she is not a danger to anyone else, including the children.